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Patterns On The Wall
Kelly was already in bed when Joey got home. Her back was towards him; she faced the wall. The blankets rose slowly, rhythmically, as she breathed, deep in sleep. Joey watched for a few seconds before shedding his jeans and T-shirt and climbing in beside her.
He didn’t touch her, though. He knew she didn’t like to be woken up when he came home late. Joey twisted on his side and closed his eyes. He faced his own wall, and even though he was exhausted, sleep was a long time coming.
They’d formed a routine that seemed to fit. At least on the surface. Kelly got up early, got Brianna off to the bus and school and then woke Joey up before she left for the day. She didn’t have to work, but she liked her job and liked getting out of the house.
Joey suspected that she liked getting time away from him too. But that was fine. Joey liked the time alone himself. But he was always there when Bri got home from school. That was his favorite time of the day. His time with his daughter. It was what made everything else bearable. She chattered at him, the way eight-year olds do. She adored her dad and he adored her right back. He got her milk and cookies and they did her homework.
He never would have guessed that at some point in his life he’d be looking forward to homework.
He and Kelly had stopped talking about anything that mattered and mostly just discussed things like Bri’s dentist appointments or how she should wear a sweater the next day because of a weather report.
Joey longed to tell her something, anything, and have her be interested in it, whatever it may be. Hell, he’d settle for a good argument, just to know they had any emotion left between them at all.
~*~
They got a new bed. It wasn’t like the old one was bad or ruined or anything, but Kelly wanted a one a size bigger. Joey had nodded. What did he care? They could afford it.
The only difference Joey noticed was that now, he and Kelly barely touched at night. He smiled and joked with her that they had to break the new mattress in.
He’d gotten ‘the look’ and she’d shaken her head as she put a stack of towels in the linen closet. Joey hadn’t expected much, he’d been joking after all, but he remembered how it used to be. How, even just a short time ago as when they first got married, Kelly would probably laugh and they’d sneak off, hoping Bri would nap long enough to let them make love without an interruption.
He remembered a time when he didn’t even have to ask – when Kelly wanted him just as much as he had wanted her and it would only take a shared look.
But now, Joey didn’t even know what he would have done if she’d said yes.
~*~
Kelly was waiting up for him one Saturday night, after the show. He had come in quietly and dropped his keys and wallet in the basket by the door like always, and plugged in his cell phone before heading to the kitchen.
She was at the little table by the fridge, waiting for him with an already open cold beer.
“What’s up?” His first thought was that maybe something was wrong with Brianna, but she would have called if there had been anything bad.
She smiled, but it wasn’t a happy one. “Just thought we needed to talk.”
Joey nodded and sat. He’d been expecting this. She was right; they did need to talk.
The smile she wore faded and Joey held his breath. His heart was beating too fast, and even though her next words were completely anticipated, it still felt like he might faint when she asked, “This…Joe. What is this?”
Joey shrugged and let his breath out. “What do you mean?” He sipped at the beer, mostly just to have something to do with his hands.
“This,” she repeated, waving her hand between them. “Us. We’re like strangers.”
Joey sighed. “I know, Kel. But I don’t know how to fix it. I love you and Bri, but…”
Kelly nodded. “There’s that ‘but’. I love you too, Joey, but…we can’t keep this up. I need more.”
“I feel like I’m not even me anymore,” he whispered.
“Me too,” she agreed. There were a few minutes of silence where Joey just stared at the table and Kelly picked at her fingernails.
“So what changes? Something has to,” he said when he couldn’t take the silence anymore.
“It can be mostly the same. Just…we don’t live together anymore. We’re not married anymore. I love you, Joey, but…”
Joey chuckled hollowly. “I just said that.”
She smiled sadly, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I don’t want us to screw up our daughter any more than we already have.”
“Hey. Hey, it’s going to be okay. We’ll get it all legal and I’ll be there for her after school and on weekends and you do bed times and mornings and she’ll be okay. She’ll still have us both.” He got up and reached out to pull her to him. He wrapped her in a hug, more physical contact than they’d had in a while, and rubbed her back. “And if not, that’s what therapy is for, huh?”
She sobbed a little bit against his chest. Joey shushed her and said again, “It’s going to be okay.” She nodded against him and he hoped he was right.
~*~
It didn’t take as long as Joey had suspected. The lawyer that Johnny recommended pushed everything though, and because they were still friends and everything was amicable, it was all easier. Custody wasn’t an issue, since they had already agreed on all that and Kelly had never wanted Joey’s money anyway.
And just like that, with a signature on the dotted line and a few grand in legal fees, Joey was the officially the first member of Nsync with a child, a marriage and a divorce under their belt. His mother would be so proud.
He looked around at his new, sparsely decorated apartment and sighed. He was going to miss a lot of things about his old life. The way Kelly would sometimes leave dinner for him in the fridge on a saran-wrap-covered plate. The way Brianna’s artwork covered the walls. But what he was really going to miss the most was coming home late and checking on Bri, pulling up her blanket and kissing her good night.
Joey sighed and picked up his phone. He hadn’t really been returning phone calls lately – even to the other guys. And he knew that they had all heard the basics, but he probably owed them all details. Lance had been kind of upset during his last message, and Joey felt really bad. They were supposed to be best friends, after all.
He got voicemail, of course. But Lance was really good about returning calls so he left a message. “Hey, Lance. It’s Joey. I was just calling to see if you knew the name of a good tattoo removal guy. I guess you know the whole deal with me and Kelly. Give me a call when you can and I’m not really kidding about the tattoo thing. What were you thinking, letting me get that done? That fucking hurt and I bet it will be worse to get it removed. At least it’s not conspicuous, huh? I blame Chris. Anyway, call me back. Love you, man.”
Joey hung up and stared at the display. He still had a couple of hours before he needed to be downtown for the play, and Kelly was home today with Bri so he didn’t get to pick her up. He turned on the television and zoned out for a while.
~*~
It was a good thing that Lance called him back when he did. Joey would probably have been late otherwise. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep
“Joey! Long time no talk!”
“Hey, Lance,” Joey mumbled.
“Did I wake you?”
“Kind of. But it’s good because I have to go to the theater soon. Thanks, actually.”
“No problem,” Lance laughed. There was silence for a few seconds before Lance spoke again. “So…what happened? You never really said. I had to hear the whole thing from Johnny.”
“Yeah. I…uh…sorry. I just didn’t want to tell you how much I suck.”
Lance laughed again. “Joey, I’ve known you forever. I already knew that you sucked.”
“Thanks, asshole. My life falls apart and you make jokes.”
“I kid because I love, Joe,” Lance said warmly.
“I know.”
“So, really. What happened?”
“Just…we fell out of love, I guess. We don’t hate each other or anything and all that crap about us fighting over Bri and money was just stupid. My lawyer said it was the best divorce he’s ever seen.”
“I kind of figured. It’s good that y’all are still friends.”
“Yup.”
“I have to be in New York next week. Want to have dinner?” Joey grinned. He hadn’t seen Lance in just about forever.
“That sounds awesome. Early though, and then you can come to the show and see Bri if you want to.”
“Good plan. The only shows I ever see are ones that you’re in. I never did see Cats.”
“No one has done Cats around here for years,” Joey chuckled.
“I know. I’ll see you next week, okay?”
“Sure thing.”
Joey was still smiling when he got to the theater.
~*~
Brianna didn’t really understand why Mommy and Daddy didn’t live together anymore. And she didn’t like it one tiny bit. Joey tried to get her excited about a new room with new toys and a new pool, but that didn’t work for long. The only nights she stayed with him were nights that he wasn’t doing the play, and those were few and far between. He was going to have to do something about seeing her more often. He really missed her.
Lance showed up on Wednesday, a day earlier than Joey expected, but he didn’t mind. He was tired of his own voice echoing back to him in the empty rooms of his apartment.
Lance dropped his stuff by the door and pulled Joey in for a big hug. Joey sighed and hugged back. He had been a little worried that people would be upset with him for his avoidance, and he was relieved that didn’t appear to be the case.
Joey stepped back and grinned. “You by yourself?”
Lance nodded. “Just me. Now, where’s that beautiful girl?” He looked around like maybe Brianna was hiding under the couch.
Joey shook his head. “I have her tomorrow. You know, when I thought you were going to be here?” He grinned. “But the show’s in a few hours. Take-out?”
Lance nodded and bent over to unzip the smallest bag he’d carried in. He slid his PDA from the one of the pockets and started tapping things on it. Joey grabbed the only two menus that had been slipped under his door so far and held them up. “Pizza or Chinese?”
Lance made a face. “Pizza, I guess.”
Joey picked up the phone to order. After so many years of ordering food with Lance, he didn’t even have to ask what to get.
When Joey was done, Lance held up his PDA, showing the screen to Joey. “Okay, these are the doctors I came up with. And they’re discreet, not like Maloof who went blabbing all over ET that you had it done in the first place. No one will know.”
Joey grinned. “You’re so good.”
Lance arched his eyebrow. “How would you know?”
Joey laughed. It was an old joke.
“How are you doing? Really,” Lance asked.
Shrugging, Joey tucked his menus back in the drawer by the phone and turned around slowly. “I’m okay. I miss Brianna a lot. But I see her pretty much every day. Me and Kelly weren’t good towards the end there. We went days without speaking. It was like neither of us cared at all anymore. We hadn’t even had sex in a few months.”
Lance looked shocked. “Months?”
“I know it’s hard to believe. But it’s true.” Joey smiled wryly. “I almost didn’t even care.”
“Dude. I had no idea it was that bad.” He slipped his arm around Joey and squeezed him again. Joey appreciated the physical contact – it had been so long for him and Kelly that he’d kind of forgotten what it was like.
Joey tossed Lance the remote and pushed him down on the couch before sitting right next to him and putting his arm around him. Lance grinned and snuggled in while they waited for the food.
~*~
After the show, Lance and Joey piled into the black Escalade that was going to take them back to Joey’s. The fans were waiting – most nights there were so many that Joey couldn’t get to them all. He was never really sure if they were his fans, Nsync fans or just theater geeks.
It didn’t really matter. They all screamed his name and that never got old.
That night, when Lance was with him, he was pretty sure which girls were Nsync fans. They were the ones that were also screaming for Lance. Joey had to grin at the way Lance looked around like he’d forgotten what it was like.
Technically, Nsync was still on hiatus. It had just never been the right time for all of them to get back together and do the whole recording thing and tour. Justin had married Cameron and, with Justin’s movie career taking off like it did, he just hadn’t gotten back to music. He kept saying ‘soon,’ and he never lied to Chris, so he knew it was only a matter of time.
JC was still doing his solo work. His latest album – his third – had been the best one to date. He’d really come into his own, in Joey’s opinion, once Jive had just let him do his thing.
Chris was having an absolute blast. The band that he’d formed had just exploded onto the rock scene a couple of years back. They’d been up for a Grammy for writing and Joey hadn’t seen Chris as happy as he was since the earliest days of Nsync.
And Lance had produced a movie that had won Tom Hanks an Oscar – so his production company was doing more business than Lance could keep up with. He’d had to hire so many people that he barely knew their names anymore. Joey imagined that the lists on his PDA were completely out of control.
Every year, they still got together at least twice – once for their charity event, and then for a week alone, one time it was in the mountains, but usually on the outskirts of Orlando depending on the time of year.
This year, they hadn’t gotten to do their week alone yet. With Joey’s family issues and JC and Chris touring, and Justin filming and Lance busy with meetings… everyone had found excuses to push it back. Joey really missed it.
He was more determined than ever before to make it happen. Just his few hours with Lance had made him realize how much he needed them. All of them, to make everything better.
~*~
"You're staying here, right?" Joey had figured that Lance was staying when he'd dropped his bags earlier. But he was just making sure.
Lance nodded. "That okay?"
"No, that's totally cool. But…the guest room isn't really set up. I mean, you could sleep in Bri's bed, but it's kind of small." Lance bit his lip, and Joey kept talking. "You can have my bed and I'll just crash on the couch."
Lance laughed. "Joe. We used to sleep in the same bad all the time. And unless you've developed some freaky sleeping habits, then we can share."
Joey'd been hoping. Just the little amount of time they'd spent on the couch before dinner had proven to him how much he'd really missed the physical contact.
Lance dragged one of his bags into the bathroom and started his nightly rituals – as Joey had always called them. It had been the same for as long as Joey could remember. The familiarity was both comforting and adorable.
Joey leaned against the door frame after Lance had changed into pajama bottoms and watched while Lance brushed his teeth, washed his face and then pulled a t-shirt on.
Lance caught his eye in the mirror and raised an eyebrow. Joey just shrugged before he grabbed his own toothbrush and brushed his teeth.
~*~
Joey woke up sometime in the middle of the night, warm and cuddled up with someone. It was such an unfamiliar experience, he was completely confused until he took a deep breath and realized that it was Lance.
Lance had always been a snuggler. Joey grinned and pulled Lance a little closer before falling back asleep, smiling.
~*~
When Joey opened his eyes a second time, Lance was still snuggled in close, which was good. The bad part was when Joey realized that they were both hard.
Joey tried to untangle himself from Lance without waking Lance, but as soon as he pulled away, Lance's eyes blinked open and he smiled.
This had happened before. Sometimes on tour, when they'd shared the big bed on the bus, they'd woken up wrapped around each other and aroused, and Joey had always chalked it up to hormones or whatever.
It was the first time, though, the first time that Joey could ever remember wanting it to mean something else.
He scrambled out of bed and practically ran to the bathroom.
After a few deep, calming breaths, Joey managed to use the toilet for what it was intended, rather than a chair while he freaked out before he opened the door and peered back into his bedroom. Lance was curled away from him, covers pulled practically over his head and he seemed to be asleep again. Maybe he hadn't fully woken up and Joey had only his own thoughts to deal with.
Coffee. Coffee and maybe some toast would make everything clearer. At least Joey hoped.
~*~
Not long after the coffee was ready, Lance strolled into the kitchen and went straight for the pot. His hair stood up in several directions and his eyes were barely open. He wasn't as bad as Justin in the morning, and maybe that was why no one else seemed to noticed that Lance was still cranky before he had his coffee. But Joey had always tried to steer clear until at the first cup had been at least poured.
Joey sat at the table and tried to figure out what his body was thinking. Maybe it was just the lack of sex since forever with Kelly. Maybe it was just the close proximity after being so alone.
Maybe he was just lying to himself.
Joey tried to look at Lance without it being too obvious. But Lance was looking at him, like he was trying to figure something out.
"What?"
"Did you run to the bathroom a few minutes ago?"
Joey smiled sheepishly and tried the only lie he’d thought of. "I really had to pee, man."
Lance nodded easily and sipped at his coffee. "Okay. What's the plan for the day? Bri has school, right? Do we get to pick her up? I haven't seen her in forever. I brought something to give her, too."
His lie accepted, Joey breathed a sigh of relief and nodded. "She has school until two, and then I figured we would get her and do something. I didn’t know if you had stuff to do, though."
Lance nodded. "I have a meeting about a movie tomorrow and then one Saturday morning. But other than that, I'm all yours," he smiled.
Joey smiled wryly at the innuendo. He and Lance had been bantering like that for years. But today it just hit too close to home. “Aww, Lance! Just what I always wanted.”
Smirking, Lance got up for another cup of coffee. When his back was turned, Joey closed his eyes, and almost didn’t hear Lance say, “You only have to ask, Joe.”
“What?”
Lance turned around and shook his head. “Nothing. Um. I’m going to go shower.” He took his cup with him and Joey stared at his retreating form. There was no way he’d heard what he thought he heard.
Was there?
~*~
Brianna squealed when she saw Lance and ran towards him like she would have done when she was younger. He squatted down and she leaped into his arms, practically knocking him back onto the ground. Joey shook his head as he watched. She acted like it had been years since she’d seen him, rather than a few months.
“There’s my girl,” Lance said with a grin. “God, you’re growing up so pretty!”
She spoke entirely too fast for Joey to catch it all. He thought he heard something about the teacher, school, her mom, the dog she’d been bugging them to get, and probably everything she’d done since she’d seen Lance last. There was no way that Joey could catch it all.
Lance just laughed at her and swung her up in his arms and hugged her again. Lance seemed happier to see her than he had been to see Joey. And wasn’t that just fucked up? To be half jealous of his own daughter? Joey decided right then and there to get the fuck over whatever his problems were.
He got into the car and waited for Lance to open the door and get inside with Bri. When they did, Joey was smiling and when Bri stopped talking for about two seconds – probably just to take a breath – Joey asked what everyone wanted to do.
Joey was sure that Brianna wasn’t going to answer him, but then Lance added, “Yeah, Bri, honey. Do you want to go the museum?”
Brianna loved the wax museum and so did Lance. Joey didn’t understand it. Any time she suggested it, Joey tried to come up with something that would distract her. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to take her – it was just that he found a life-sized-wax version of himself amazingly creepy.
Lance knew that. Lance smirked at him when Brianna bounced in the backseat. “Yes! Daddy never takes me. But you’ll make him, won’t you, Uncle Lance?”
Joey glared at Lance and started the vehicle. Lance knew how he felt about the museum. Bastard.
Lance just grinned. “I’m sure Daddy can’t wait to take us.”
“I bet it will be more fun with Uncle Lance, won’t it, Bri?”
“Yes, Dad.” She rolled her eyes and started talking to Lance again about something. Lance squeezed Joey’s knee and when Joey looked up, surprised, he just grinned and calmly answered Brianna.
~*~
Lance and Brianna were holding hands, her skipping, Lance keeping up easily as she dragged him all over the museum. She didn’t even know who most of the people were, or were supposed to be. She just liked costumes, Joey figured.
And Joey was officially confused. Lance had squeezed his knee. Joey was sure that he’d heard Lance say something this morning. About asking… but Joey had no idea what he was supposed to do. What if he’d heard wrong? What if he said something and it fucked everything up forever?
After they’d both showered, the tension hadn’t been that bad. Joey pretended he hadn’t heard anything, and Lance made like he hadn’t said a word. And everything had been fine.
Fine until Lance had grabbed him again.
Not that Joey minded exactly. There was just so much to consider. He had no idea what to do.
“Joey. Joe!”
Joey stopped and looked up. Brianna was looking at him like he’d run over her puppy. He wondered when she’d turned into a teenager. She was only eight.
Lance smiled and repeated slowly, like he’d already asked three times. “When do you have to be at the theater?”
Joey looked down at his watch and his eyes flew open in surprise. He had about twenty minutes to get to the theater. “Um. We’re either going to have to cut this short… or…”
“Why don’t you take the car and me and Bri will take a cab and meet you there?” Lance asked. He’d already worked everything out for everyone while Joey wasn’t paying attention.
Joey smiled. “Perfect.” He squatted down, so he was at eye-level with his daughter. “That okay with you, Bri?”
“Of course, Daddy. Uncle Lance is the best,” she said with a roll of her eyes.
“He is, isn’t he, sweetheart?” He gave her a hug and stood up. “The play starts at seven, guys, okay?”
Lance nodded and smile. Joey turned to leave with a little wave.
~*~
The best part about having Lance visiting was that Bri got to see him perform and then she was supposed to come home with them. Joey had washed her sheets and was really excited that he was going to be able to have her there all night. He’d really missed being able to read her a story and tuck her in.
She was really sleepy after the show. Lance sat in the back-seat with her curled up on his lap.
Joey watched them in his rearview mirror. “Did you guys have fun at the museum?”
Lance grinned and nodded. “She’s amazing, Joey. And so much energy. God, she’s like Chris on caffeine.”
Joey laughed. “Did she make you look at our wax figures?”
“She did. She really likes the one of you and ‘Uncle Justin’ – she said that he looked better with the curls,” Lance said, his mouth twisted as he tried not to smile.
Joey grinned and turned his eyes back to the road, but not before noticing as Lance ran his fingers through Bri’s hair, humming softly.
~*~
Joey carried Brianna up to her bed, and undressed her carefully, barely waking her up. He pulled her nightgown over her head and handed her a teddy bear before tugging the covers up to her shoulders. He kissed the top of her head and whispered, “Good night, baby.”
“Night, Daddy. Night, Uncle Lance,” she said sleepily.
“Night, Princess,” Lance said softly from the doorway.
~*~
“Bri’s got the day off of school tomorrow,” Joey said later when Lance had already changed and was folding the covers back on his bed. “Some teacher workshop or something. So we can sleep in, if you want.”
Lance smiled. “Good. My meeting isn’t until two.”
Joey smiled and went to change. He was determined not to wake up curled around Lance again. Well, at least not enjoying it. Lance was his best friend. His friend since forever. And it would ruin things.
He’d fucked things up with Kelly and he really never wanted to go there with Lance. He didn’t know if he could take it if Lance wasn’t in his life anymore. He was just starting to feel more like himself.
He crawled in next to Lance and turned out the light. When Lance turned over and snuggled in, Joey stiffened for a second and then relaxed. “This okay?” Lance whispered.
“Of course,” Joey said, wrapping his arm around Lance’s shoulders. It was. It was familiar and wonderful and… maybe Lance was the reason he was starting to feel better about things.
“Good.” There was a big smile on Lance’s face as he closed his eyes.
Joey sighed. But, instead of closing his eyes, he found himself watching as Lance’s breathing evened out and he fell asleep.
It took a lot longer for Joey to finally succumb to his own dreamless sleep.
~*~
Somewhere along the way, Joey had developed an internal clock of some kind. He could tell himself before he went to sleep how many hours he was going to get, or if it was important that he get up or if he could sleep late, and he’d gotten used to paying attention to that. When he was on the road, sometimes it was the only thing that let him get any rest.
So when he was woken up before he wanted to be by a very enthusiastic child, he was very disoriented, at best. “Daddy! Daddy! How come you get to sleep with Uncle Lance? No fair! Wake up! Don’t I have to go to school?”
Joey groaned and opened his eyes. Lance was awake, his eyes wide open and staring at Joey. “What time is it, Bri?” He pulled his hand away from Lance’s hip, thankfully hidden by the blankets.
There were a lot of things that Joey was thankful for. Like the fact that Brianna didn’t seem to think there was anything wrong with him sleeping with Lance. Like the fact that Brianna was jumping near his feet and hadn’t tried to squeeze in between them.
Like the fact that Lance hadn’t jerked away from him when he’d realized that Joey had been aroused when he’d first woken up.
“Um. The clock says its seven twelve. Is that too early?”
“You don’t have to go to school; your teachers are having a work day, or something. Do you want to go back to bed?” he tried hopefully.
“No way. I’m awake! I want breakfast.”
“Okay. Bri, why don’t you go turn on the television? I’ll be out in five minutes.”
“Alright, Daddy. But you have to make me waffles and Lance has to watch cartoons with me,” she demanded.
“Keep it on Disney,” he reminded her as she bounded out of the room.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I mean… It’s been three months and…” Joey covered his face with his hands. “God. I’m sorry,” he babbled.
“Joey,” Lance said softly. “It’s okay.” He slid a hand down Joey’s face. “I know.”
Joey watched as Lance crawled out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. He flopped back against his pillows and shook his head. He was the stupidest person alive.
“Daddy,” he heard from the living room. “I can’t find the channel! Has it been five minutes?”
He threw the blankets back and went to make his daughter breakfast.
~*~
After he found the channel for Bri and popped a couple of waffles into the toaster, Joey leaned against the counter and waited for the coffee maker to stop percolating. He would swear that the thing went slower on the days that he really needed it.
When the stupid machine was finally done, he poured himself and Lance both a cup. Balancing everything, he made his way carefully into the living room, only to find Lance and Bri snuggled in on the couch watching Rolie Polie Ollie.
Joey sat next to Lance and passed him the coffee and was very aware of how they weren’t touching at all and how much of an idiot he felt like. Bri took after her dad in her eating habits. She just picked up the waffle and dipped it into the syrup as she stared at the television.
“Joey, I swear. Don’t get weird,” Lance whispered.
“I just…”
Lance reached over and squeezed his hand. “We’ll talk about it, I promise, but not right now.” He looked pointed at Brianna in front of them. “Everything is fine.
Joey was skeptical, but squeezed Lance’s hand back and the let it go so he could drink his coffee. Bri turned and looked back at them, “What are we doing today since I don’t have to go to school? Can we go back to the museum? I didn’t get to see everything.”
“Not today, honey. Lance has a meeting later and I have to take you back to your mom’s this afternoon.”
Brianna made a face but then turned back to her television and waffles. “Can we play the board game Uncle Lance brought me?”
“Sure,” Joey agreed easily. He sounded way too calm for the emotions running wild inside him. Lance smiled at him.
That wasn’t helping.
~*~
They played board games for most of the morning. Lance and Joey took turns letting Brianna win, even though most of the time, they didn’t have to fake losing by much. And the whole time, Lance kept brushing against him, setting Joey on edge.
Joey fixed lunch for Bri and himself, while Lance got ready for his meeting. Joey stayed clear of the bedroom, the bathroom, and anywhere that he might catch a glimpse of anything but a fully clothed Lance.
He wasn’t prepared when Lance showed up in the kitchen looking amazing in a button down shirt and some expensive pants that Joey didn’t have a name for. “I’ll be back in time to leave for the show. I’m going to miss you, Brianna.”
She slid off her chair and moved to hug him, but he checked her hands before he let her. Joey had to grin. Lance had always been pickier about his clothes than anyone he’d ever known. Except maybe Justin.
When she turned up clean, Lance pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll be back to see you soon. Okay? Promise.”
She nodded and waved as he left the kitchen. “See you later,” Joey said as he left.
“I like Uncle Lance, Daddy.”
“Me, too, honey. Me, too.”
~*~
Lance ended up being late from his meeting, and not being able to meet Joey before he had to go to the theater, so they weren’t able to talk. And they really needed to discuss what had happened. Even though, nothing had really happened. Joey was just anxious and confused and, quite honestly, very horny.
He hadn’t been himself the last few months with Kelly. Their complete lack of sex-life was something he never thought possible. The part that really bothered him was that the desire hadn’t even been there. It didn’t seem worth the effort that it would have taken for him to either talk her into it, to find someone else, or even take care of things himself.
Lance was waiting for him after the show, just like he had been the last two nights. Joey grinned when he saw him, he couldn’t help it. He’d brought his own car again, so they escaped through the garage, without too much of a hassle.
The ride home, however… The ride home was incredibly awkward. They both wanted to say something. Lance kept starting sentences and then stopping without actually saying anything at all. Joey just wanted to blurt out everything in his head and get it all in the open. But every time he got the words decided on in his head, Lance would say something like, “So…”
And then not say anything else.
“Lance, I…”
“Joey, Can we…”
Lance looked over at him and took a deep breath. “Maybe we should just have this discussion later. I mean, clearly we both want to talk about something. Just… I can’t seem to figure out what I want to say.”
Joey nodded. “God, yes.” He laughed a little bit.
It was really weird. Because he was supposed to be the confident one, the one with all the moves, the one that never had a problem getting the ladies. Or the guys, if the whim struck him – which it didn’t do that often – but when it did, he knew what to say, knew what to do.
And now he was tongue-tied with his best friend, and that never happened. Thankfully, Lance turned the radio on and found something playing music, both of them pretending that they weren’t avoiding the conversation.
~*~
By the time they got home, Joey had decided that he had to take the bull by the horns, as it were, and lie to Lance like he never had before. Blame his morning issues on dreams or hormones, or just the whole no sex thing – anything but his feelings for Lance.
And he was completely resolved, except when they got through the door, Lance didn’t let him speak. He just pushed him up against the door and pressed a kiss to his lips. Joey had no choice but to haul Lance closer and just let him do whatever he wanted.
It seemed that what Lance wanted was to make Joey crazy. His tongue thrust into Joey’s mouth, a little needy whimper escaped his throat as he did and Joey couldn’t help the moan he answered it with.
When Lance finally pulled away, Joey found himself panting and staring at Lance’s shiny lips. He stuttered, “L-lance?”
“I decided that talking was stupid. I wanted to show you instead.”
“Oh. Um. I guess if I tried to tell you now that I didn’t know what you were talking about, you’d probably be able to figure out I was lying. Huh?”
Lance snorted. “I’ve always been able to tell when you were lying.”
Joey let out a shaky laugh. “And if I told you that I really wanted you to blow me, you’d believe me?”
“Because that one isn’t a lie,” Lance said as his breath hitched.
“You’re right,” Joey smiled softly. “I’m just… really, really nervous. I just fucked up the longest relationship of my life, and I really don’t want to do that to this one.”
“I’ll never stop being your friend, Joey. I agree that this could fuck us both up. I mean, when I break up with a guy, I come to you and you take me out and get me drunk. If…” he trailed off, what he was going to say obvious.
“So what you’re saying is that we have to make sure to never break up,” he grinned.
Lance nodded, smiling back. “I guess it is.”
Joey stroked his hands down Lance’s back and slid his fingers along the waistband of Lance’s pants. “We sould make a pact.”
“A pact?”
“Yeah. Like, we swear to either not mess it up, or if we do, not to hate each other?”
“Deal,” Lance said with a nod. He leaned up and pressed his lips to Joey’s sealing their arrangement. His hands slid down to Joey’s hips and thrust his thigh between Joey’s legs.
“Oh, God,” Joey moaned as he tore his mouth away. “We can’t do this in the living room, and did I mention that it’s been three months?”
Lance chuckled. “Bedroom then?”
Joey nodded and Lance grabbed his hand and pulled him towards it. Joey laughed. “In a hurry, are we?”
“God, Joey. I’ve been waiting for at least ten years for you to realize how much I love you.”
Joey stopped, tugging Lance to a stop. “Ten years?”
“At least,” Lance repeated.
“And I didn’t notice?”
“Come on, Joey. You weren’t supposed to. You were taken, mostly straight and my best friend. I… It wasn’t the right time.”
“No, I get it. I just didn’t think…” He stepped closer to Lance and kissed him before wrapping his arms around hugging him to his chest.
Lance smiled. “Come on. Ten years, remember?”
“Yeah, but I bet you’ve at least had sex in the last three months. Because I haven’t. In three months.”
“Oh yeah? Why didn’t you say so?”
Joey rolled his eyes.
~*~
Joey had seen Lance naked plenty of times. Changing costumes at shows, sharing a bus – he knew what Lance looked like without his clothes. But this was the first time it was for him.
Lance grinned at him. “How come I’m naked and you haven’t even taken off your shirt?”
Joey looked down at himself sheepishly. “I was watching you.”
Lance grinned and struck a pose, one hand on his hip, the other behind his head. Joey had to laugh, but then he pulled his t-shirt over his head and Lance took a couple of steps forward to help. “That’s more like it.”
Before Joey got his pants unbuttoned, Lance was kissing him and Joey forgot about them in favor of touching all of the skin he could. Hot, amazing skin against his own bare chest, and everywhere that Joey slid his fingers. “So hot,” he murmured into Lance’s mouth.
Lance grinned and dropped gracefully to his knees. Joey could only stare, his voice caught in his throat. He watched, barely blinking, as Lance’s fingers worked his belt open and then pulled the buttons of his jeans apart.
He’d almost forgotten what it felt like – someone else’s hand was on his dick and Joey groaned. He felt unable to take his eyes away as Lance got closer and closer. Lance licked his lips and opened them.
Lance’s tongue slid across the head of his cock and Joey tried to concentrate on staying upright, even though his knees wanted to buckle and send him to the floor. “Jesus, Lance.”
There was no answer. Instead, Lance wrapped his hand around the base of Joey’s cock and sucked the head into his mouth. Joey plunged his hands into Lance’s hair and tried not to pull it too much. “Yeah. That’s so good.”
Joey wasn’t going to thrust. He was trying to keep his hips still, trying not to buck deep into Lance’s mouth. But then there were hands on his ass, pulling him closer, forcing him to glide in and out, and he just groaned and went with it.
It didn’t take very long, with Lance’s amazing mouth and hands working him perfectly. Joey came, his head tipped back, choking out Lance’s name.
He didn’t want to open his eyes – electricity still thrummed through him, but Lance twisted him onto the bed and pressed a kiss to his lips. Joey could feel how hard Lance still was – his cock pressed into Joey’s hip, hot and leaking.
Slowly, Joey slid his hand down and wrapped it around Lance’s cock. Lance whimpered, deep in his chest and Joey grinned as he started jerking him off.
Lance clung to him, his hands wrapped around Joey’s upper arms, face buried in his neck. Joey felt every breath that Lance took, hot across his neck. “Yeah, Lance. So hot, so fucking hot.”
Lance’s cock was hot in Joey’s hand. He rubbed his thumb across the head and shifted a little bit so he had a better angle before speeding up the rhythm. “Joey,” Lance whispered. “Joe. God.”
Joey barely heard him, Lance’s words broken and almost unintelligible. His body was easy to understand though. His hips arched back and forth, Lance’s cock sliding back and forth in Joe’s hand. When Lance started trembling, Joey knew he was close.
“That’s it, Lance. You’re so beautiful. God, so much, Lance, love you so much.”
Lance bit down on Joey’s shoulder as he came, whimpering softly.
Joey hugged Lance to him, not even caring about how much of a mess they both were after that. Sweaty and sticky, it didn’t even matter as Lance snuggled against him. “Mmmm,” he hummed.
“My thoughts exactly,” Joey whispered. He smiled after he closed his eyes, sleep coming easily.
~*~
The smell of coffee greeted Joey when he woke up the next morning. He stumbled to the kitchen, not even bothering to pull his boxers on from the floor.
“Whoa,” Lance said when he looked up from the newspaper. Joey grinned as he poured himself a cup of coffee.
“What are you doing?”
“Reading the paper?”
“No. I mean, thank you for making coffee. I really needed it. But why are you up and out here when we could be in my bed?”
“Um.”
“Nope. Whatever you’re going to say, no. We have months to make up for. Years even. Get your ass back to bed while I try to find where I put the lube.”
Lance giggled and let his paper fall back to the table. “Want me to help you look instead? We’ll find it faster that way.”
Joey looked up from his cup and grinned. “Well, let’s go,” he said impatiently when Lance hadn’t moved. He left his cup on the counter and pulled Lance from his seat, dragging him back towards the bedroom.
Lance laughed the whole way. Joey couldn’t help grinning. This was exactly what he’d been hoping for.
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