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Dreams Lex had been a virtual zombie since he'd returned to Smallville. He knew he was missing things. He thanked God every day for Gabe. If it weren't for him, LexCorp and everything he'd worked so hard to save would have been completely fucked. His three months on the island had left him with more than just a few scars. Sure, there were the visible ones. There was one on the left side of his scalp and one on his shoulder, both from the plane crash itself. And there was one on his hand that looked like a burn; he still didn't remember what it was. He spent long hours staring at the scarred pattern, trying to recall what had happened. The only thing he'd come up with was that it looked like an ear of corn. If that wasn't irony, Lex didn't know what was. It wasn't those scars that made him think the most. It was the internal ones - the ones he couldn't even face yet. They brought screams in the middle of the night. Screams that woke himself and everyone in the castle, no matter how many times he took sleeping pills just to get a few hours in. He hadn't had a full night of sleep since he'd been back - maybe even since the crash itself. There was a lot he didn't remember from his time on the island. And the last few nights, he'd forgone even the pretense of sleep. He was supposed to be working. Reading newspapers to catch up on what had happened since he'd been gone, going over earnings reports to see where LexCorp actually was... but none of those things ever got accomplished. Instead, he found himself staring at the scar on his hand. He only went to the Talon to get away from the castle. The servants all scurried around and tried to make everything special - he was grateful. He really was. He just wished everyone would stop making a fuss. Everyone at the Talon was happy to see him. Lana, the other waitresses, even the guy that delivered the daily supply of fresh pastry. They all had something to say about how it was great he was getting out, great he was getting back to his regular life. They didn't know how little it all mattered to Lex anymore. At the Talon, it wasn't much better. After the waitresses and Lana all greeted him with enthusiasm, none of them knew what else to say. They would either say nothing, or they would bring up something that had happened while he'd been gone and then fall silent and awkward when they realized their mistake. He only stayed at the Talon a few minutes. When Clark came in, it was time to go. He didn't even want to deal with Clark or the Kents yet. Lex still owed Mr. Kent a thank you for the compass. It had probably saved his life. He had a lot of questions for Clark. A lot of things he couldn't ask. He listed them in his mind at night when he couldn't sleep. "Why weren't you there? Why didn't you save me? Why didn't you even try?" He'd read about his own funeral. Kings and dignitaries had attended. His father had given an eloquent speech. But none of his "friends" were there. And the only one that mattered at all to Lex, the only person in the entire world that mattered to him right now, hadn't shown up. And Clark hadn't spoken to him since he'd been back. He'd heard from the staff that Mrs. Kent was doing the deliveries -- she'd been doing them most of the summer. Lex knew something was up with Clark, he just wasn't sure what it was. Lana had said that Clark was gone just as long as he was, but those were the only details she'd given. He had no idea where. He wasn't sure he wanted to know. It wasn't like he could ask Clark. He realized he was staring at his hand again. Lex looked up and squinted against the sun. Why wasn't Lana in school? Why wasn't Clark? He thought about the days, remembered vaguely that it was a Saturday and shook his head. He needed to get some sleep. Lex started the car and turned his head before he pulled out, only to find Clark standing there. "Hey, Lex." Lex stared at him for a second before nodding and pasting a smile on his face and returning the greeting. "Hi, Clark." "What's wrong, Lex?" Was Clark stupid? Lex started laughing and he couldn't stop. He fumbled with the gearshift, shoving the car into neutral and pulling the emergency break before he put his head down on the steering wheel and just laughed. `What was wrong?' he asked. Clark was starting to look nervous, so Lex tried to pull himself together to say, "What could be wrong, Clark? I've lost three months of my life, my marriage was completely fucked before it even started, I haven't slept since I've been back and you... You haven't said a word to me in almost four months - not since that morning in the library right before my `wedding' - do you remember that? Weren't we friends once upon a time?" Clark looked up and down the street and leaned in. "Listen. I...I don't know what is going on with you, but I want to help." Lex looked up, the momentary insanity having apparently passed. "Help? How?" Shrugging, Clark looked down at the ground, and God, if he didn't look fucking gorgeous like that. "Want to come back to the mansion and help me figure out the past three months worth of <i>Entertainment Weekly</i>?" Clark smiled as he looked up and nodded. Lex watched him walk in front of the car and scramble to get into the seat next to him. Lex had no idea what he was thinking. Ten minutes ago, all he could think about was being alone -- getting away from the people that looked at him like he was the freak. At least Clark had never done that. The car ride was quiet, but Lex didn't mind. He was used to the silence. He walked with Clark to his office and pulled a large stack of magazines from one of his hiding spots. He piled them on the table and he and Clark sat down on the couch to start reading. The coffee he'd gotten at the Talon hadn't helped. And all this reading just made him sleepy. He didn't remember falling asleep. He woke up this time to Clark's arms wrapped around him and whispered words of apology. "I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry, Lex. I should have been there." He stiffened and Clark must have realized he was awake because he pulled back. "What happened?" "You were having a nightmare, I guess. You kept calling for me and asking me to help you... and I didn't know what else to do." Lex extracted himself from Clark and straightened his shirt. "How long was I asleep?" "A couple of hours. I was just reading...and you said you hadn't been sleeping... and I should have left. I'm sorry, Lex." "No, no. That's fine." He smoothed down his shirt again. "We've got a couple of hours until dinner. Can you stay?" Clark nodded. He hesitated and started to speak. "Do you... I mean... If you want to talk about it..." "I don't remember a lot, Clark. I was apparently delirious a lot of the time. When I wake up, I don't remember any of my dreams. And clearly, they're irrational. How could you have saved me from a plane crash?" Clark looked away, and Lex knew that look -- knew that it meant Clark thinks he could, or he could and its one of things they don't talk about. "I'm still sorry, Lex. I... I wasn't myself then. I didn't have that great of a summer either... you know I wasn't in Smallville." Lex nodded. He didn't want to try to force Clark to talk about anything. Sure, he wanted to know everything, but then Clark might ask him things he didn't want to deal with either. He picked up another magazine and started reading again. Clark did too. They had a couple of hours until dinner. It was weird to read "current events" about things he had no idea were happening. He felt detached from everything. The world, the town, Clark... Lex needed to catch up. It was only a matter of time. [ main l rps l fps ]

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