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Acknowledgment
It’d been going on for years – and who was Chris to mess with a good thing? Years, and years ago, when they’d both been too tired to hit the bars, or too annoyed with people to leave the bus – it had just happened.
Chris couldn’t remember the exact conversation that had started it. He kind of remembered he and JC sprawled on one of the couches on the bus while Justin was bouncing around, getting ready to go out with Joey and Lance – those boys were never too tired or annoyed to go out – and Chris had just wanted to curl up on the couch and sleep.
He’d been a little surprised when JC had decided the same thing, but then they’d settled down to watch a movie, and ended up falling asleep on each other. And he really didn’t remember who made the first move, or who had decided to keep going after that… but looking back, Chris realized that it was probably the longest relationship he’d ever had.
Chris and JC had never actually talked about what was going on. They’d never discussed what it meant or anything, but certain things just were and that was fine. Like, when there was a girlfriend in the picture, everything stopped. And neither of them had ever mentioned it to any of the other guys.
When Chris classified it in his mind, which, really, he tried not to do because that just made him crazy, he decided it was just buddy-fucking. Just a little friendship with benefits.
Benefits like the best sex Chris ever had.
It had started sometime during their second tour – as far as Chris could remember. Sometime during “No Strings,” towards the end when exhaustion had set in – and it had never really stopped, save for the brief instances of girlfriends and the like.
The hiatus was what really made Chris think about what it all meant. Up until then, he’d been gleefully going along, happy-go-lucky, ignoring all the potential complications until his messed-up brain made things difficult.
Chris missed JC. Oh, sure. He missed the sex, but it was more than that. He missed the way his face would crinkle up when he smiled. He missed the cute little cat like stretch he would give when he woke up in the mornings. He missed the rambling. Chris missed everything about JC.
And that was when he knew he was in trouble.
That realization was what made Chris decide to Get The Hell Over It. And that was how he thought about it. With capitals. It required that much insistence. Because it was crazy, and whacked, and really stupid. Because it was JC. No matter how pretty he was.
Unfortunately, that didn’t work. He couldn’t Get The Hell Over It because he thought about it constantly. And just when he hadn’t thought about JC for a day, or an hour, he’d congratulate himself for not thinking about JC, and that just made him think about JC more.
And he really didn’t see JC much while everyone was off doing their own thing. He caught one of the club shows, hiding in the back in a pair of sunglasses and a baseball cap, and he knew he could have gone to more shows, caught up with JC a couple more times, if he’d wanted to. But, ever since he’d realized that he was probably into whatever it was between them more than JC, he couldn’t bring himself to do it anymore.
That was, until July at Challenge.
~*~
Chris was minding his own business. Sure, he was probably way drunker than he should have been – but that was the entire plan. He needed to look like he was having the best time, and the only way to fake it well enough to fool the important people was to get so drunk that anything he said could be contributed to that.
If anyone noticed anything different – like he was secretly pining for JC – it would have surprised Chris greatly. The first night of events, Chris had even tried to sign up for the team JC wasn’t on, even though everything had been predetermined and he had no say in that. Everyone just laughed and Chris had grinned before taking another gulp of his huge drink.
Between the party and the joking around, Chris had managed to successfully stay away from JC – at least until in the middle of Skills at the pool and JC hadn’t been able stay away from him. Or at least that was the way it seemed. Everywhere that Chris went, JC followed him. Okay, so Chris didn’t really do a whole lot – recovering from the amount of alcohol he partook wasn’t easy – but JC kept swirling around him.
Before too long, Chris had decided that the only thing JC was doing – beyond hovering around his side of the pool – was driving him crazy. So he’d ignored him, even though he almost grabbed him on several occasions, including the time that JC slipped past him on the ladder, brushing against him - on purpose - and murmuring a fake apology.
Okay, so maybe it wasn’t on purpose, or a fake apology. But Chris would swear that JC’s little grin at the time proved him right.
It might only have proved him crazy. But that was JC’s fault too.
By the time everything was over, and Chris was back in his hotel room guzzling bottles of water, he was back to thinking that it was all in his head. Until there was a light knock at his door.
Chris figured it was his mom, but when he looked through the peephole and it was JC, he wasn’t quite sure what to do. For about two seconds, he considered pretending he wasn’t there, but then JC waved and grinned like he could see what Chris was doing.
So, he opened the door – his only excuse was that the heat was still making his brain fuzzy – and couldn’t help smiling when JC pushed his way into the room and made himself a drink. Chris closed the door behind him, but he still didn’t get too close.
He watched as JC poured a little bottle from the mini-bar over some ice in a cup and then he tossed it back like it was water.
“Do you think you should be doing that? I mean, I’m not telling you what to do. I’m just saying that it’s pretty hot out there and you’re probably all dehydrated or something,” Chris said in a rush.
JC just shook his head. “I’m good. What’s up with you, Chris?”
“What do you mean?”
JC snorted and waved his hand. “This whole avoidance thing you’ve been doing with me.” He rolled his eyes when Chris didn’t say anything. “Come on, Chris. I know you better than pretty much anyone. You’re weird and have your quirks, but this is weird even for you.”
Chris thought about saying something, maybe telling JC he was wrong – that there was nothing exceptionally weird about him – but that probably wouldn’t work. JC wouldn’t leave it alone and Chris didn’t know what to say. So he just shrugged.
He watched as JC bit his lip and he wanted to be the one doing that. JC was still dressed in the outfit he’d worn on the beach – crazy shorts and flip-flops – and Chris wanted nothing more than to cross the room and drag JC down and kiss him senseless. He clenched his hands into fists at his side in an attempt to keep from doing just that.
“I know what this used to mean. I know that when you used to get all withdrawn and weird and stuff, that I could just blow you and then you’d either forget about whatever it was that was making you crazy or let me fuck you until you did,” JC said. Or at least that was what Chris had heard. It couldn’t be what he’d really said.
Chris opened his mouth and then closed it again. There was absolutely no way that JC didn’t notice how hard he’d gotten at that. JC grinned and set his drink down.
He crossed the room slowly, giving Chris the opportunity to move if he’d wanted to, but Chris couldn’t go anywhere. He was already backed up against his door and it wasn’t like he didn’t want JC to do those things.
When JC was closer, Chris swallowed heavily. He could smell the sunscreen that had probably been slathered all over JC and briefly wondered what it would taste like on his tongue before shaking his head and taking a breath.
JC took that last step and then dropped to his knees, staring up at Chris.
“JC,” he breathed. He wanted, God, he wanted JC so badly.
“It’s been so long, Chris. I’ve been thinking about this,” JC admitted before reaching his hands up and pulling Chris’s shorts down.
Chris closed his eyes and whimpered. And then when JC’s mouth wrapped around his cock, Chris bit down on his lower lip, to hopefully stop the potential outpouring of begging. He threw his head back and barely even registered how hard he smacked it against the door.
JC knew exactly what Chris liked. He worked his tongue round and round the head of Chris’ cock but didn’t take any more in until Chris let out the breath he was holding.
Grinning around his mouthful, JC waited until Chris opened his eyes before taking his cock deep into his mouth and sucking. Chris couldn’t help moaning and it was like his hands had minds of their own when the pushed the do-rag off of JC’s head and threaded his fingers through his hair.
JC made a little noise, a little moan that Chris felt everywhere, and then he started moving in earnest and Chris was lost – in the slick glide of JC’s tongue, in the heat of his mouth – and Chris let his hips move like they desperately needed to.
Chris blindly fucked JC’s mouth until he couldn’t hold back anymore and cried out as he came. It was a few seconds before Chris remembered how to breathe, but when he opened his eyes again and saw JC looking up at him smugly, Chris shook his head. He was smiling though. “Okay, so maybe that did fix a few things,” he admitted quietly.
JC laughed. “You could have just asked,” he pointed out.
Chris shook his head. He didn’t say anything else though because JC had stood up and was now exploring his mouth, complete with hands holding him close and his body pressed against Chris’.
“JC,” Chris managed when JC abandoned his mouth to leave biting kisses against his neck and chin. “I think,” he gasped when JC hit a particularly sensitive spot. “Didn’t you say something about – Oh, God, JC – fucking me?”
Chris could feel the laughter against his skin. “I did,” he agreed.
Nodding, Chris was going to move to the bed, encourage JC to do what he promised, but how could he drag himself away from JC’s mouth? The decision was made for him when JC finally pulled back and pulled Chris towards the bed.
~*~
But that had been weeks ago. Months even. And Chris hadn’t seen or head from JC since and he was just as miserable as he’d been before the trip to Miami. And now he was going to have to see JC again. And make nice and smile and he couldn’t even get as drunk as he wanted because he’d promised Joey that he wouldn’t do anything at the wedding that might embarrass anyone, and Chris couldn’t guarantee that while he was intoxicated.
He wasn’t sure what to wear, and probably should have remembered to get one of his suits cleaned or rented one, but he’d been too busy freaking out about seeing JC again, and he hadn’t thought about it until he’d had to pack and then dragging something on the plane would have been a hassle. Plus, Chris didn’t feel like dealing with anything else. So he’d worn jeans. They were nice jeans – no holes or anything lame like that – and he’d worn a nice shirt and actually done his hair.
But he really wasn’t prepared for the sight of JC in a suit. He’d shown up right on time or at least early enough that he wasn’t late and had stalled as long as he could until the valet had taken his keys. When he finally gotten inside, of course he was looking for the other guys… Only he was mostly looking for JC, not Justin or Lance, even if he could barely admit it to himself.
“Hey,” he heard behind him, the voice low and so familiar.
Chris turned around slowly and his breath caught in his throat when he saw JC. Dark suit, hair slicked back – it was all Chris could do to not drool all over his shoes. “Uh,” he said intelligently. “Hi.”
JC smiled at him and Chris couldn’t help smiling back. “Come sit with me,” JC insisted and then grabbed Chris’ arm and dragged him toward the seating area. Chris followed closely and very carefully did not pay attention to JC’s ass.
~*~
The ceremony was beautiful and if anyone asked, Chris did not cry. He was getting a cold and that’s what all the sniffling was about. But JC cried. Chris smirked when he looked over and discovered JC crying like a baby.
“Oh, shut up,” he whispered before pressing his fingers against his eyes.
Chris just grinned, and very carefully did the same thing.
~*~
Chris couldn’t believe what Kelly and Joey had thought up for the reception. There were rides and games and Chris was secretly glad he’d worn his jeans because there were all kinds of things for him to explore, like the huge slide. He watched Joey’s mom go down it in her fancy dress and laughed.
He couldn’t hide from JC for too long, though. He tried. He hung out with Lance and made fun of Justin’s beard. He hung out with Justin and made fun of Lance’s new nose. It was like old times. He managed to get a few words with the new couple, congratulating them and had somehow been JC free for the entire evening.
At least until it was time to leave and he felt JC brush up against him and ask him where he was staying. Neither of them had dates, and Chris had wondered – okay, secretly hoped – that JC would find him.
Chris shrugged. “Want to ride with me?”
JC laughed and followed Chris to the valet area to pick up his car.
~*~
Chris fiddled with the radio nervously. He wanted to tell JC that they couldn’t keep doing this, that it was messing with him and they needed to stop for his own sanity, but the words wouldn’t come out. He opened his mouth to say them many times, but couldn’t seem to actually say them.
“Chris, you’re getting weird again,” JC said with a grin. “I thought we’d established that you didn’t have to be.”
Chris shook his head. “It’s… It’s not that. I… Uh...” He stared at the road in front of him and bit his lip. “I need to tell you something, but it’s going to fuck with things and I’m thinking I should maybe just tell you tomorrow.”
JC squinted at him – Chris could see him out of the corner of his eye even though he wasn’t really looking – and tilted his head a little. “Are you breaking up with me?”
Chris laughed. “We’re not going out, JC. I couldn’t do that.” Chris was not above using faulty logic.
“Oh my God. You don’t want to do this anymore.”
Chris shook his head and risked a quick glance at JC. “That’s not it at all. Listen, JC. I… I don’t know how to say this. I mean… I… shit. This is really hard.”
JC didn’t say anything, he just put his hand on Chris’ knee. Chris continued to stare out the window and drive. For a minute, there was almost silence as the only sound in the car was the soft music coming from some random radio station.
“I think I’m too emotionally invested in whatever this is. I want you, God. You’re beautiful and amazing and so fucking hot, but I can’t… I want so much more, you know? And it’s making me crazy that this is all I get.”
Chris bit his lip because JC still wasn’t talking. He wanted to look over and see what was on JC’s face, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. When JC squeezed his knee, Chris took a deep shaky breath.
“Chris… You know I love you; I love all of you guys. We can’t… Jesus. Chris, I missed you so much when I was off doing concerts and club tours and crap, I just wanted you around. I missed the other guys too, but it wasn’t the same. I… don’t know how.” He moved his hand up to Chris’ shoulder.
“I… JC? We’re almost back at my hotel. I… we can wait ‘til then. Okay? I mean. The last thing I wanted to do tonight was have this discussion anyway. I’d much rather have gone back, had sex and then gone back to whatever I was feeling all by myself.”
JC nodded and then turned to stare out the window. Chris silently berated himself the entire way back to the hotel. He felt chilled where JC’s hand had been, but wasn’t anymore. His stomach was doing weird things like someone had punched him. But it wasn’t anything as dramatic as that.
When they got to the hotel, Chris left his car with the valet and hoped that JC would follow him. Luckily, he did and there was only a few minutes of awkward silence back in his room before Chris couldn’t take it anymore.
“Did I fuck things up? I know we’ve never talked about this,” he waved his arms between them. “But. I’ve been going nuts. Even more than I do normally.”
JC nodded. He hadn’t spoken for a while and Chris was starting to miss his voice. This was just crazy.
“I meant what I said, Chris. I could, I mean, I want… But I don’t know how we could manage it. We’re so different, me and you. And there’s stuff. And what do you want me to do?”
“I just… What about if we just forget that I said anything and you fuck me?” Chris asked hopefully.
JC smiled but shook his head.
“Okay, fine. Um… You asked what I want you to do. I want… I want the same thing as we had, but with like, more. Like, I don’t want like, marriage or anything. Good God. That just scares the ever-loving crap out of me,” he said with a shudder. “But... I want you to call me, and be able to visit you while you’re touring and when I finally get my shit together, you visit me, and…”
“That’s what I thought we already had,” JC whispered.
Chris turned to stare at JC. “What?”
JC laughed. “So, what you want is for me to do the exact same thing I’ve been doing, you just wanted me to acknowledge it?”
“You… what?”
JC kept laughing. He pulled Chris closer to him on the couch and kissed him until Chris couldn’t breathe. “I just want to know when you turned into a girl.”
“Hey,” Chris said indignantly. “I’m not a girl because I wanted to know you cared about me.”
“Well, I guess not. But maybe you should prove that to me. You know, just to put my mind at ease,” he said with a twinkle in his eye.
“Like what?”
“Well, you could stay here and kiss me, for one. You scared the shit out of me.”
Chris just stared at JC. He was taking this way too well. Chris had agonized over everything. He was a freaking nut job, but he didn’t have to be one for all that time? He didn’t know what to say or do. He wanted to do what JC suggested, because the whole sex thing was much more of a possibility now.
More than a possibility, it seemed, when Chris apparently didn’t move fast enough for JC and it was JC kissing Chris until he moaned and clutched at JC’s clothing.
JC was still wearing his suit from the wedding and he stepped back from Chris smirking. “Hey,” he said softly. “Let me.” Chris watched as JC removed his jacket and went to work on the many, many buttons of his shirt.
Chris wanted to help, he wanted JC naked, but rather than interrupt the rhythm that JC had going, he pulled his own shirt off and then yanked his jeans open before kicking them off. His eyes never left JC’s body, and JC knew it.
The damn tease was giving him a show. Chris couldn’t tear his eyes away and when JC was finally naked, Chris reached out and pulled JC to him. He pressed their lips together, sweeping his tongue inside when JC opened his mouth.
“God,” JC moaned. He tugged Chris towards the bed in the center of the room and sat down before spreading his thighs and sliding Chris between them. “Okay,” he said against Chris’ stomach. “I… I know we haven’t very often, but, Chris, I want you to fuck me,” he said softly, the words muffled.
Chris stared down at the top of JC’s head and started carding his fingers through the short hair. “I… God. Of course.”
JC’s tongue painted lines across his chest down to his stomach before dipping into Chris’ bellybutton. He grinned when he looked up. “Do you have lube and stuff? I’m a little unprepared.”
Chris laughed and nodded. He backed away reluctantly and dug through his bag, his ass swinging in the air. When he turned around, a condom and a bottle in his hand, he blushed a little when he saw the intensity of JC’s eyes on him.
He looked around, like maybe room service had shown up and brought in a spectacular dessert when he wasn’t looking. “What?”
“You. You’re amazing. Get over here.”
Chris went.
JC was on his back, up on his elbows and Chris slid on top of him until he could lick across his throat. Chris liked it when JC would moan and he could feel the vibrations on his tongue.
When their cocks brushed against each other, Chris groaned and buried his face in JC’s neck. “God,” he whispered. “I need… JC…”
“I know, Chris. Me too. I haven’t… Not since before… With you.”
Chris looked up. “Me either,” he whispered before leaning up on his knees, determined now. JC smiled at him and shifted, getting more comfortable.
He hadn’t done this much. When he and JC would have sex, it was usually quick blow jobs, or hand jobs, just to get each other off. Or, when they had more time, JC would be the one on top. Chris could count on one hand how many times they’d been in this position.
His fingers were shaking after he got the lube drizzled on them. “I’m a little nervous,” he whispered apologetically before pushing one of his fingers against JC’s hole.
JC arched towards him. “Don’t – ah, like that – be. You know what you’re doing.”
Chris smiled at him and thrust his finger in and out a few times, watching JC’s face as he did.
Writhing and arching, JC panted, “More, Chris. Come on.”
Chris held his breath as he added another finger. He let the breath go when he heard JC moan. The sounds of harsh breaths and slick skin-on-skin filled Chris’ ears. “Okay, JC? You’re okay?”
“God, yes,” he said as he stretched into Chris’ fingers. He opened his eyes and stared down. “You can fuck me now.”
Chris nodded and took a deep breath. He slid his fingers out and wiped them on the sheets before grabbing the condom and opening it with his teeth. He rolled it on carefully and then shifted so that he was between JC’s thighs.
JC bit his lip and Chris wrapped his hand around his cock and pushed inside, slowly, carefully. By the time he was fully seated, he was panting. JC was breathing heavily himself and Chris rocked forward a little bit, just to see what would happen.
Moaning is what happened – JC let out a deep moan that made Chris’ eyes fly open and stare. “Are you still okay?”
“Better. Do it, Chris. Fuck me,” JC said as he pushed towards him, demanding with his words and body.
Chris nodded and started a rhythm – he was counting in his head, but he’d never admit it – before closing his eyes and letting his body go. He wrapped his hand around JC’s cock, stroking it in cadence with his thrusts and did just as JC requested.
JC’s breath came in little wheezes and moans, and Chris loved that he was drawing those noises out of him. He tried to make it last, he wanted JC to come first. Chris was so close, though, he didn’t know if he’d be able to.
“Chris,” JC panted and then groaned as he came, arching up into one final thrust and then collapsing back onto the bed. Chris quit holding back and thrust haphazardly into JC only a couple more times before coming himself.
Somehow, he managed to not fall on JC even though his legs were shaking with exertion and his arms didn’t want to work. He curled up next to JC and tried to catch his breath.
When Chris could finally open his eyes, he found JC looking at him. “What?”
“That was amazing.”
Chris grinned. “Next time, it’s the other way around. You’re much better at it than me.”
JC smiled. “Nah. You’re exactly what I needed.” He shifted and wrapped his arm around Chris, his head on Chris’ shoulder. Chris slid his still shaking fingers through JC’s hair as he fell asleep.
[ main l rps l fps ]
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